A Grand Old Time

Is it bad that I've only written two paragraphs today? Truth be told I am very tired. I woke up really early and had a headache the entire day. Not to mention we went to the aquarium, and...I SWAM WITH DOLPHINS!!!! Yes I swam with dolphins. It was the best experience ever!!!!!!

Our dolphin was called Maya, and she was the most adorable thing there ever was!!!!! >< She was a baby, only 5 years old, and she was the sweetest out of the dolphins in the pool with us (they were with other groups). We got to feel her belly, as well as her back. We heard her speak underwater. We heard her sing, had a water fight with her, and shared a kiss with her. It was the most exciting thing ever. I loved it, and looking back on it now, I can just cry with happiness. I've always wanted to swim with the dolphins and now I have!! I can die happy now. ^^

I think my favourite animal (besides domestics) is the dolphin. They are sweet, they are charming, and I believe that each have their own personality, if my experience today was anything to go by. I really do love them, and I may just adopt one when I'm older and earning money.

Anyway, that's it for now, because to be honest, I can't be bothered to write anything else, and this headache is doing me in. Plus, I have a corn dog waiting for me, so peace out everyone. ^^

More Sun, Sand and Sea

Hello again everyone! Yes I'm updating. It's been really fun for the last two days. Swimming in the sea, swimming in the pool, having a drink or two. It's a real joy to be here. As for the chapter, I've been reluctant to return to it, but return to it I must. I'll be writing rough drafts for now, but when I do get to it properly, I will be editing it to make it even better.

Sorry for the short post, but that's it for now. I'll speak to all of you later.

Welcome to Cancun

Hello everyone, hola y bienvenido a Canún! I've barely even written a few paragraphs of chapter 8 and  I don't think I'll get past chapter 9 by the end of the week. For now let's just say it's going to be another hiatus. I will be going back to it. It's just I'm at a writer's block, and my muse has left. For now there's nothing I can do.

Please be patient and I will get back to it. As for those of you who are wondering. I'm having a good day so far. The weather's nice, and the hotel we're staying at is lovely. The people are friendly and I really am enjoying myself. So for now, again sorry, but please be patient

The Day Before

Ok so tomorrow we're jetting off to Cancun, so that means that today we clean up the house. Do any of you experience that? My dad, insists we clean the house before we leave. Granted it does dust up when we arrive, but that doesn't matter, as long as the house is clean. Actually I do see the sense in that, but dusting the house?...

Anyway, you will probably hear from me next week, but in case you don't please feel free to read whatever is on this blog. Things will be changing after the next week, so yeah...now's the time to panic over looking for the last review or your favourite review because after next week I'm going to make a separate blog for them.

As for now. I'm currently doing my nails (in a nude colour) because I don't want my nails to look all scruffy and...well...just plain boring, so right now it's hard for me to type...a little. So it's probably taken me longer to write this than usual. Other than that, yeah a short one.

I'll see you guys soon. ^^

Update Time - New Passport

Well hello there everyone (meaning those of you who don't actually read my posts), I know I haven't updated in the last two days, but the truth is, there really was no need. I've been having a writers block, and have only progressed four pages into chapter 8, so it's going to take a while to get back on the wagon. For now please be content to continue waiting because things will be busy for me, and I won't have the time to finish the story.

Ok as for the title of this post, yes I had to get a new passport. It seems that my current one is due in four months, and unfortunately I can't fly around with this passport. So I had to go into Central London, to apply for the premium service to get a new one. That way I'll be able to go to Cancun this Saturday. Oh, yes, I forgot to tell you all, I'll be on holiday next week, but don't worry, I'll be able to take my laptop with me to work on the story. But yes, I'll be going to Cancun.

Now I know not many of you really do read these posts, but by the off chance that one or two of you do, I would like to ask if any of you have been to that part of Mexico, and if you have, what activities are cheap and available to do? We've been reading travel books and other sorts of websites and such, but all the prices seem to be out of range (I don't think we go beyond two digits per person), and all we seem to be able to do is stay at the resort and swim. Please if you know anything that can be done for a reasonable price, please let me know. Thanks.

That's it for now, so I'll see you guys soon. Be good to each other. ^^

Update Time - Sunday Shopping and Catch-Ups

Hi guys, so I was right, I wasn't going to finish Chapter 7 yesterday, in fact, I'm still working on it today. Hopefully it will be done tonight. I think my muse is trying to run off with her husband, but right now, I have to keep her chained to the wall, just so she could finish this story (oh and by the way, her husband is imagination. He seems to be doing a good job of tempting me to let her go, and well many times I've tried to throw him a bone, so he doesn't try again, but who knows, he's a slippery snake).

Ok so I went grocery shopping with my parents, and I haven't done that in a very long time, and I sort of miss it. Maybe the next time they go, I'll ask to tag along (I highly doubt it though). The truth is, the reason why is because I need a new picture for my passport, because well, mine's soon to expire, so I needed to use the booth in the corner of the supermarket. So yes I went shopping with them because I needed to take a picture. It was ok...I wasn't overly fond of it, I just wish I could have worn my glasses, because I really look Chinese in the picture.

Anyway, as for the second part of the title, I've just recently been added by an old friend, who I haven't spoken to in a long time, and we've just chatted about our careers, she's going into travel and tourism, I'm going into film as you all know. It's really cool, we might end up seeing each other, if ever I need to travel for my job. But that's probably going to be way into the future.

I know this is way off topic, but I may just make another blog, for my film reviews. I will still be doing them, when I get the chance, but at the moment it's still in the works. That way, the reviews will be separate from these rants, and updates. Yeah, I think I might just do that. Oh and I'll probably move the reviews I've already done, to that blog. So watch out for another link that will probably be coming your way.

So that's it for now, and when I've made probably three more chapters in this stupid story, I'll be getting back to you. For now, over and out! ^^ (I'm going to try a new thing...since my sign outs are getting boring (ooo....speaking of which, I might add some sort of logo or emblem, that represents me or something, who knows...)

Update Time - Noontime Nappings

Hi guys. Well first of all, I wasn't planning to do this, but because I promised a daily update, I might as well. Today, I'm working on Chapter 7, which seems to be another filler, but then again, there is quite a few things happening here. However I don't think I'll get it done, before tomorrow, since I'm actually quite tired.

I was working on chapter 6 late last night, and only started chapter 7, but it was nearly midnight, which is kind of my bedtime (yes I sleep early, so what), but I couldn't get any real sleep. For some reason, I woke up at 2am, and didn't get back to sleep until much later. Then I woke up at 8am, rather groggily. I didn't have breakfast, and only had an early lunch, then I took a nap, and now, I just feel a little bit too lazy, so I'm not working as fast as I usually would. I'm sorry. I know you're all looking forward to reading this story, but you'll all have to bear with me on it, because it's just going to take a little bit longer than we all thought.

As for the story itself, don't worry, things are working as they should. I've written out the detailed version of the plot, and it will be posted up, just before I put the actual story online, and there will be much crying (maybe not real tears but as in...you know...you know...oh...shut up!) and much hatred amongst you, but I won't care, because it means I'm doing my job. Oh and I will also post up pictures (not created by me) that well imply my different characters, I might put them up on a post or page on the story blog, or the corresponding pages on this blog, but we'll have to wait and see. 

For now, bear with, because it's going to be a long ride, and it will kill me to do some of the things I'd planned, but I assure you it will get done.

So as always, be good, and do with this post what you will. God Bless. ^^

Update Time - Embarrassment And Heat Don't Mix

Yes, I know it's another update, but you don't read it anyway. The reason for this title is because I've just finished a certain section of Chapter 6 and well have yet to start on the next section. You see, the story is a romance, and well, you would expect it to be a bit mature. I did. However, I find it's better to read the stories rather than write it. I get so embarrassed just writing it. I mean it's all great in my head, but once it's down on paper, I just can't believe I'd just written it.

Granted it's my first ever novel that wasn't quite "kid-ish" but still. I don't know how fan-fiction writers do it, nor any other writer for that instance. I mean don't they, get...well...you know? I mean if I do, surely they do right? I'm rambling, but anyway. It's just all new to me, and I'm just going off on the examples that I'd read, I've never actually had sex before, nor have I been touched by a guy or even had my first kiss, so I'm using inspiration from these stories, so if you read the story, and it doesn't give you butterflies or exactly match the description you'd expect it, I'm sorry, I just don't know exactly what it's like. I mean I've heard stories, I've read stories, but I've never felt it. I mean I can imagine (I'm quite good at that) but I just don't actually know what it really feels like, and well, please don't be mad when it doesn't live up to your expectations.

Anyway. I'm slowly getting there. I'm almost finished with Chapter 6, and 7 is on its way, so I'll probably be at Chapter 18 by the end of next week. After that it'll go into revision, and will probably have three more drafts before it's really done. By that time I'm guessing it will be August. I think instead of the "increments" I'd planned to do, I might just do it all at once, and backwards for that matter. I noticed that Blogger does it in the "newest first" kind of style, and I'm not sure how to change that, so I'm going to post the last chapters up first, then have the prologue last, so that you can read properly.

Anyway this is another sort of short post, but there you go. As always do with this post what you will, and God Bless. ^^

Update Time - Hotness Can Lead To Thirst

Ok the post title doesn't really have anything to do with anything, it's just because I've been cleaning the house with my dad, and I got really hot, and needed a drink, and that was the first thing that came into my head.

Anyway, the story is coming along just fine now. I had planned out Chapter 6 so I may be able to even start Chapter 7 tonight, but who knows, it depends on how much I'm willing to do in the next 7/8 hours, not to mention if I don't completely distract myself with the Internet.

As you can see the blog has recently had a makeover. I figured that the "film" look wasn't helping, and since I've not reviewed any films recently, I'm just going to stick with the book theme, because of my story. So there you go. Orange is the new colour. I actually like it. I'd invite you all to comment and say what you think, but I highly doubt anyone will. Oh and for the person who keeps +1"ing" my blog thanks, but I don't really think you're doing it because you actually like my posts, but thanks anyway.

Yes as you've all probably noticed, I've started getting bitter about these views. I mean it's great that I'm getting more than what 600 plus views, but I'm just guessing its just a hit and run kind of thing, so yeah, I'm quite bitter that no one is taking the time to actually read what I'm saying. Granted it's just rambling and no one really does care, but hey, I'd like to know if you are actually reading this.

Yeah, like that's ever going to happen. Anyway, just another short one, because, why should I even bother. Anyway, as always, do with this post what you will, and God Bless. ^^

Update Time - Cleaning Frenzies

Well hello everyone. I've managed to put in a little something for all the frustrated ladies out there, in this new version of the story, and to be quite honest I am proud of what I've done so far. I've only started chapter 6 because I had to clean the house, so I'm sorry. The truth is I've been reluctant to finish chapter 5 because it was one of the most difficult ones I've had to write, I didn't want to overdo the description and I wanted to make this chapter a bit longer than the average I've been doing so far.

Ok so on to the other stuff. Yes I've added a few new characters and I've developed some, a little more. I've made things a little more complicated too. At first I was going to go with my original plan that our main characters would just gradually fall in love, but I've actually added a little twist that came to me after so many musings. It was so simple and yet it's so complicated I really need to write it all down.

Yes I have only just started chapter 6 because I have been asked to clean the house. It actually took me longer to do than I thought. I wasn't done until 3:30 - 4pm. I was actually exhausted, that I need a coffee just to stay awake and finish it. Not to mention, I kept taking breaks, trying to finish chapter 5 because it was quite hard to do. Now chapter 6 is a filler, so I will have to start it properly tomorrow, although I'm not sure how much I'll get done, because my dad, will need help with cleaning the house tomorrow (yes we're cleaning the house some more. I was merely dusting the house and sweeping the floors so the big stuff will be tomorrow). So we're going to have to wait a little more for the end.

As for my mood swings, it's better now. This story is actually giving me some relief. Not to mention, it's because I'm a woman, so you're going to have to forgive me for yelling out my rants on this blog.

I realised that the first person to read this would only just see it then close it, so I'll just leave it at this for now, because I highly doubt anyone will actually read it properly.

But in any case, do with this post what you will and God Bless. ^^

Update Time - Title And Story Revamp

Ok so I've just been giving myself a little rant this morning, so here's the deal. I've looked over my work, since I've yet to do that, and I realised the things that have happened so far don't make sense...well my people say they do, but the issue at the end doesn't quite fit in, and it's a bit too closed off when it came to it, so I'm going to have to open the field a little more. So it's going to take a little more time than I originally thought. Yes I'm going over my work again, so that I can really refine it.

For those of you who have been keeping an eye out, I've changed the title of the page on the extra details. Yes the story is now called To Dream, because the rest of the series will have to have similar titles, in my case, so the first book is called To Dream. It has been nagging me for quite some time, because if I'm going to have a trilogy it has to make sense, and The Last of the Dreamers doesn't quite have a follow up, kind of, feel. So yes things will be changed. Also the blog link has been changed to:

www.todreamseries.blogspot.co.uk

It makes more sense.

This post actually has taken two days to write, because I'm now so engrossed in revamping the story. So far, I've managed to redo the prologue, chapters 1, 2 and now I'm working on 3. Not to mention, I've also added another character to the mix, and well, I think I believe her story better than anything else. Anyway, things will be taking longer than expected, because, yes I've had to start all over again. So my initial predictions have now flown out the window, and I'm going to have to work pretty much all day to get back to the end.

That sounds weird, but that's the way it is. So, yes more waiting, but hey, that's what makes it fun right. Never think about the destination, always think about the journey. It's more fun.

Well, I think that's it, so as always, do with this post what you will, and God Bless. ^^

Update Time - Short Somethings

Hello everyone! Sorry I didn't write an update yesterday, because I didn't think it was necessary. Anyway, we're on chapter 18!!!! Two more to go, then it's time for reviews and revising! Yes just two more chapters!

Ugh! I can't believe it, the last chapter was brutal, and I am truly sorry for what I've done. It is a sad chapter and it will be sad, I won't change it because it is necessary, and it's not something that want to change.

Anyway, for now, I'm sorry it's short, I did yoga a few hours ago and I really don't feel like writing now, it's actually 9pm, so I'm just not bothered right now. Tomorrow I'll probably have more to say.

So as always, do with this post what you will and God Bless! ^^

Update Time - Delays In Schedule

Ok, so I'm going to try again this week, I mean try again in terms of two chapters a day, because I am almost there, and I really need to finish it, review it, and hear the reviews of my betas. So it'll probably be another month before I can upload the story onto my blog.

Well now, I'm now on Chapter 17. So it's fair to say that I'm slowly making it through the last leg of my story. Yesterday was well needed, my time with my old friend was actually helpful. It was great seeing her again, and hearing all her funny stories.

We had lunch at a nice little restaurant, which was actually not that bad, the food was actually quite nice. I think we spent two hours there, because we just couldn't stop talking about our lives. When we did finally leave, we went walking around Oxford Street, I wanted to buy an umbrella and in the end I bought one and a dress, for my holiday in Cancun at the end of the month.

To say the least I was exhausted by the end of the day, but it was so worth it. I loved spending time with her when we were both still in school. Now that our careers are going in separate ways, it's hard to see each other, but hopefully the next time it won't be so long before we catch up. It was nice seeing her again.

So my hiatus is over, I'll be writing as fast as I can so I can review and edit parts of it, and hopefully I'll be done in the next week. Not to mention I'll also edit the blog itself.

As for now, I'll be taking quite a few breaks while I'm writing...mainly playing League of Legends...It's a cool game! So the last few chapters will take a while to finish, but on the whole, thanks for being patient, and I will upload the story as soon as I can.

Sorry for the short post, I know it's my forte to write quite long ones, but right now I'm kind of not feeling it, so as always please do with this post what you will, and God Bless. ^^

Update Time - Slowly But Surely

Yes I'm finally getting there, I think I may end up with just twenty chapters in this story. So I'll say be patient, I have yet to revise it, and have my reviewers review it. So please be patient.

I'm already on chapter 16, so yes I'll be done soon. After tomorrow perhaps my speed will increase, that I'll be done before next week. Hopefully Doctor Who won't distract me too much. So yes, at the moment the explosion of events are starting and you'll all probably wonder, is anyone going to die? Yes, yes there will be death, so I'm sorry if you guys hate me when you read the story, because the person's death may be important in the next story. Truth be told it probably will be.

So that's basically it, my hiatus, or whatnot is still going, until tomorrow, when I'm out with my friend, I'll probably have the courage to face it and finish this story. As you all know I've been through a depressed state recently, and now I'm just trying to get back on my feet, this outing may just dispel that entire episode completely. Although I do want to get back to that happy state that I've forced on myself, I will probably miss the depression because it helped me. Writing did help in some way.

Actually this reminds me of the Doctor Who episode I watched recently, it's the one called Vincent and the Doctor. The ending of the episode got to me this time, and yes I cried, but the message was quite powerful, especially for me, at this time. You see in the episode the museum tour guide talked about Vincent and the marvels of his work, and how he used his pain to portray the goodness of the world in his paintings. I had some sort of sympathy towards Vincent in this episode (even though I know it's someone's opinion of how he was) and I think that's exactly what I'm doing with this story.

My pain has made the beauty of the relationship in this story much more tangible, for me anyway, because I know that many of you will probably not read it, or not even care that it's there. It's possible no one will actually like it, but I don't actually care. This story is simply my outpouring of sadness, and in a way, I'm trying to say that although I may be sad, my sadness doesn't have to affect the world. I don't want it to, and if it does, I want it to affect it in a positive way, by having you look at the good things in your life.

I don't want you to sympathise with me, in fact I expect you not to, because I want you to look at your life and count your blessings, not the negative things. Although I tell you to do that, and I don't do it for myself, that's ok, because while I still mourn over my faults and curses, I do also count the many good things that have happened to me. I still say "that was a great day", and "I remember when that made me happy" and "that was fun" and I will always say "I wish" and "why can't that be me" and "what am I doing wrong". Both the good and the bad are mingling now, and I'm slowly realising that, as the Doctor says, "The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant."

So I'll keep soldiering on, and yes I will always have these depressed spells and yes it will be a long time before they truly go away, but I know that in the end, they will help me, I know that while the bad things in my life get me down, it would mean that the good things will be that much better. It will mean that my life will balance itself no matter what I feel in one particular time, because in the end the greatest thing that I could look forward to is when I return to the place where it all started. I return to the place where I truly feel welcome and at home, where I'm truly loved. And that my friends, is when I can honestly say I belong.

So as always, with a light heart please do with this post what you will and may God Bless you the rest of your life. ^^

Update Time - The Greatest Storyteller Is The Story

Ok so I have been writing, but I can't really help it. I've been breaking up the flow though...with Doctor Who...So what! Can you blame me for wanting to watch something so cool! I love it!

Anyway I've slowly but surely made my way to Chapter 15 and I think I'll be done in 5 more chapters. Things are going to get haywire in this story, so I need to prepare myself for it, and this hiatus will probably help. In the meantime, I'll be watching Doctor Who and loving it...I may even dabble into Game of Thrones. I'm still watching Season 3 because well...it's just a bit gruesome for my liking, and it will take me a while to bear it. So yes, I'll be watching TV.

You know speaking of Doctor Who, I can't help but remember the post I wrote on it. I still love his quote, and it will forever stick in my mind, because it is quite true. Today we look at heroes as warriors, as men with swords and guns and horses and fast cars and jets and whatnots. We never really look at the true heroes, the ones who saves lives by helping, we don't see doctors as heroes, we don't see our parents as heroes, we don't even see teachers as heroes. Why? They save lives more than soldiers and politicians and other sorts of warriors. Doctor Who opens your eyes to the fact that a warrior doesn't have to be a hero, they are the wingman, while the Doctor is the hero.

For those of you who haven't a clue about what I'm saying, regarding the post here's the link:

A Revelation From Doctor Who

I know the title really has no reference, but think about it. We are all stories, and Doctor Who is just one great big story, and who better to tell a story than the story itself. We all tell stories, and our lives themselves are stories. Just like many preachers, teachers, priests, we all must tell a story. It just depends on how we tell it. Many use words, and description, others use actions and other use other stories to tell their own.

Me? I'm trying to use action to tell my story. But I occasionally do use words. Even now I'm using words. You're reading this post and it is all just plain, simple words. If you met me, I'd try to do things that may please you, and probably fail, but I'd try nonetheless. So, why the deep post this time? Well, I don't actually know. Most time I go with the flow, and right now the flow is very deep, the currents pull me down and I feel like it must end somewhere.

So for those of you who think I'm just a mad woman, writing nonsense, well guess what? You're right. And you are wrong. Because I'm not simply mad. I have faith. Yes most of you know I'm Catholic, and most would probably think I'm crazy, or I'm wasting my time, but let me tell you this. Without my faith, this blog would probably not have existed, and you wouldn't be reading this right now. So for those of you who do think so, and will probably continue to think so after reading this, why are you still reading? You can close this tab or window right now, you don't have to continue reading, and you don't have to keep listening to my words, you can stop right now.

But for those who would listen to my words, please, don't take your faith lightly. Like St Francis of Assisi said, "Preach the gospel at all times, and when necessary, use words." It may work for you to pretty much blather on about this story and that in the gospel, but most will just completely ignore you. If you truly want people to listen, do something nice, do something that no one would probably expect you to do. For example, speak to the homeless on your street, or talk to your friends, make them feel special and happy, because in one way or another they may be hurting, and in the end your conversation or your smile might just make their day.

So a bit deep, not sure if you'll read it but hey, at least it's out there. And as always, do with this post what you will. God Bless. ^^

Update Time - A Hiatus

Ok I've been thinking, and I think 30 chapters is a bit too much, especially when each chapter is around 15 pages long. So I've lowered it to 20-25 chapters, to make it easier. As for the title of this post, well that's coming up.

First let me just say, I've pretty much been working on this story non-stop and it's been driving me insane. I literally want to strangle it, stab it several times and hang it. That's how bad I've fallen. So I'm going to have to take a hiatus for the rest of the week...that's not to say I'm going to stop completely, because it's just going to mess it all up, but I will be writing less than I usually do, since I'm already on chapter 14. Yes! I'm on Chapter 14! I'm so proud of myself.

So yes, I'll work on it less, because I might just end up crying every night because this story is getting under my skin. I will get back on track next week, because I would like to post up the story soon, hopefully before the peak of summer, otherwise, before uni starts up again.

Ok so what brought this on? Well I've been really down and out when it comes to relationships and I needed a break, because this story is basically based on a relationship. I had a girl's day out today, with my cousin, so I thank her for helping me distract myself. We had a really good, long talk and I've tried to come to terms with my depression, but it still lingers, and I may have a good cry tonight, but that's ok. We did a little shopping, and I actually cannot believe this but the HMV store in the high street we went to, had something I did not expect. I almost cried because it was something that I completely love!!!

Perhaps I can explain it with this:

Plot: When an innocent wish accidentally comes true, Sarah has to traverse a dangerous and trying Labyrinth to get to the centre, inside the Castle Beyond The Goblin City. Stuck in fairytales and fantasy she has to learn the hard way that not everything is not as it seems, and starts to truly feels sorry for wishing her half brother away. Meanwhile the Goblin King, Jareth, is having a ball watching the young teenager fighting him at every turn, and making friends of his subjects.

Did you guess it?

Yes I found the DVD to LABYRINTH!

I was so overwhelmed that I still can't believe I have it! The instant I got home I watched it! That's how bad it was! I was so happy.

Anyway, as you all know I have an obsession with Labyrinth and this story is loosely based on it, so I'll be re-watching it constantly to feed my imagination and belief in fairytale. And as proof here are images, taken from my phone, the instant I had the chance. If you want to know why I love this film, read it in my review:

Fairytales, Dreams and Peaches

I'll end it there, so as always do with this post what you will, and God Bless! ^^

Update Time - A Chapter A Day

Well, I've finished the first third of my story to say the least. I'm already on chapter 12 and it is coming along quite nicely. Although I'm still iffy about one thing or other, maybe when I get my reviews I'll be able to clear up some of the mess I've made. When I do eventually post up this story, I hope it does make sense, because the people I've sent the story to kind of have the same mindset as me, so they'll understand, but as for the public...I'm not so sure, so please, when I do post this story up, comment any review that you feel necessary, and I promise I'll edit appropriately.

You know what? I think this story is doing more good than harm. Yes more GOOD than HARM. I think it's because it's actually helping me come to terms with my demons (yes you all know what those are...if you've been reading my posts). Looking back, I was really depressed on Saturday because I saw my cousins with their partners, and I didn't have one. I was so down that I could even function socially, and I demanded my cousin's company, just to vent out my frustrations. However just after we had arranged the details of our outing, I took to my laptop and began writing furiously, as sudden inspiration hit me, I wrote for nearly three chapters straight. When that streak finally ended, I found myself in a bizarre sense of serenity, like the melancholy of the past year just floated away. Granted that happened every time I did feel the sudden dip in mood, but not quite as fulfilling as that one. I actually came to terms with it, and although I know it will be back, and I am still not happy, it doesn't mean I'm completely depressed. Instead I just feel like I don't care anymore, and that whatever everyone else has told me will come true (maybe not any time soon, but one day).

It's also helped me in other ways. You see, I think the reason I've not ever had a boyfriend, or even my first kiss was because I was still holding out for my first crush, which actually ended like three years after I no longer saw him every day, and I found there were much "bigger" and better fish out in the sea. However a small part of me still wanted to see what it would be like if I saw him again, that is, before I started this story. As I wrote the last few chapters that I had been working on last week, I realised, that I would probably never see him again, and most likely not, even in the slightest, ever want to be with him. I've seen bits and pieces of his life, don't get me wrong, I've looked him up on Facebook once or twice, just to see if he had changed or not, and suffice to say I no longer have any feelings towards him. I'd take a look at his picture and say "Really? I fancied that?" and I am relieved, to say the least.

So in the last few days I have, with the help of some oldies music and some venting through song, continued to write my feelings into the story, and now I have let go. I am free, and no longer burdened by the crushing defeat I had when I was but seven years old (that was when I had indirectly confessed my crush and was rejected). I can honestly say I have moved on, and now all I can do and will do is wait for that one person who will honestly make me feel like I am special, like I have a purpose and that I do make him happy.

Anyway that's it for now, this was more of a confession than an update, because well there was really nothing I had going in terms of the update, so this confession would have to suffice. So as always: do with this post what you will and God Bless. ^^

Update Time - I Really Work Fast

Ok so yes I think these updates will be daily. First off I have been working very hard on this project and I am completely convinced I will be able to finish it soon. I am already on chapter 10 that's why.

After my inspiration burn out I think chapter 9 and 10 will just be fillers until the next plot change. they will be a bit shorter than the others I've done. These chapters are dragging now, because I need to wait until the plot twist, so I'm sorry if they aren't quite as fun as the others. You'll understand when you read.

While writing for chapter 10 I was very tempted to include something that would probably make my parents blush, because, as I mentioned in the page for this story, this story is largely based on one of the many fan fictions I have come to love, and well thanks to fan fiction my innocence is ruined, maybe not physically, but in other ways.

So summary of what inspired me to write these chapters:

In chapter 8 there was something that was really disturbing for my characters so chapter 9 was a segue into the next set of normalcy. I was inspired by one of the situations in "Of Dreams And Broken Things" and although it isn't quite as intense as Jareth and Sarah's opening up, I dreamed myself into the role. When you read it you'll understand what I mean, because Kaylin's situation isn't as bad as Sarah's in this fiction.

Now chapter 10 it's going to be just a filler, until the main action in the next few chapters. So I'm sorry if it seems very drab, but I kinda need it to prove that the next few actions are linked, so pay attention when you read it.

Just a little bit about chapter 11. It's going to be another fill because I just realised that chapter 10 has had a bit of a twist, so this chapter will be the filler, because the time difference between the chapters are quite short - they usually last between a few days and the week, so perhaps in this chapter the next week will fly by, perhaps not. It's a work in progress.

As always please do with this post what you will and God Bless. ^^

Update Time - I Know, I'm Sorry

Ok I know I only uploaded an update a few hours ago but this needs to be said. Through all my self-pity and self loathing, I actually wrote loads for my story. Granted I was a little reluctant at first, and I really didn't want to drag myself through that mud, but I did anyway. What I did was purely and utterly amazing...in my opinion. I created a whole new angle for my story, and I actually understand the mindset of one of my characters. Although I know later on I will be very cruel to him, but it's something that needs to be done.

Anyway, so in the last two days I've written, pretty much two chapters, and going by the rate I've been writing, I probably will be done in the next month, and hopefully will be starting the second book soon after. Gosh I am on a roll this summer. And to add to the mix, I get to bring my laptop on holiday so I can continue writing. My parents didn't have to but they did anyway, and I am so grateful!

So what happened to get me this excited about these last two chapters? Well, as I said before, I was really wallowing in self-pity and I really didn't want to continue, in fact I was debating whether or not to stop, but I knew I had made a promise, and I will keep to it. So I tuned myself out of the real world and immersed myself in the world of Denÿce, and become one of my characters, when it suits me. In this instant I was someone I never expected to be, and as a third party, it was a refreshing view on things.

Looking back on these chapters now, you probably will be able to see what I mean: I dragged out the story because I couldn't be bothered to carry on, but then a stroke of genius just happened and this was the result. You'll probably understand when you read it. Anyway, sorry for the random post, but yes, I had to put it out there. Although my self-pity hasn't completely gone away, and I have a suspicious thought that it will creep up on me again when I'm completely unawares, but that probably won't be in a long time, I've thrown it a bone and hopefully it doesn't swallow it until the story is done.

You know just a few hours ago I just wanted to strangle this story and demand it finish itself, but that would just be impossible.

As always, please do with this post what you will. God Bless! ^^

Update Time - Emotional Outpouring

I think these updates will be coming daily, if not weekly, since I've already moved onto another chapter, and I'll get this done before I even know it. Anyway, the truth is I might take a break for a while this week. The emotions I feel when writing are becoming more cumbersome than helping.

In a previous rant, I basically poured out my deepest secret: I am still without a relationship, that is to say, I've never dated a guy, I'v never even kissed one let alone been in a relationship with one. And writing this story is just bringing all those insecurities back.

True I did say I would wait for "Mr Right" and yes everyone around me keeps saying I'm still young and that "Mr Right" is only around the corner somewhere, but I just don't feel it. While I may waiting, I am getting impatient. Yes I'm Catholic and I pride myself for staying that way and remaining with my faith, but just seeing my cousins and friends in relationships and being constantly surrounded by them, I just get a sad, and I start to wallow in my self-pity and self-loathing, because I have never been like them and I don't understand at all what they're going through. And when they break up with each other, and I try to comfort them, I can't because I've never known such heartache...Well yes I have, but that was because I was a kid and had a crush on one of the boys in my class and he rejected me, but as I said, we were kids, so we didn't know any better.

Anyway, what has this to do with my story, pretty much everything. The name I came up with for the main male character is actually the name I've given to my fantasy, because if I gave a real name, I may just use it to think of the celebrity with that same name. The next thing is that I've now paired him up with the girl character, and that makes things even harder for me, because, in my head that would be cheating, and yes I may occasionally put myself in her shoes, but that's only to think of the next part of the story, I don't literally put them in because I am her, although I wish I was.

Another reason why I'm getting so glum, is because my story is basically a romance novel. Yes it's a little graphic, thanks to the many fan-fictions I've read, but the truth is even my imagination has a lover, and still my physical self has none. I really feel like life is unfair, because of it. I just feel so devoid of any real connection with anyone, because I live in my dreams. So perhaps I might take a break this week, just because I just can't handle the occasional self-loathing that comes with this novel. Not only that I just feel like, every time I open this laptop and start writing, I want to throw it against a wall and smash it to bits, but it's a new macbook pro and I won't because I'd get killed by my parents if I did. Plus I can't leave this story undone, like so many. I promised everyone I'd finish it.

So perhaps I'll just take a day off one of these days, just so that I can gather the pieces of my broken heart and try to fix it with three year old super glue and broken bits of tape, not to mention gum. Yes this post is a little deep, but that's exactly how I feel.

You know over the last few weeks I've had a saying stuck in my head: "Those with the brightest smile are the saddest" I'm not quite sure that quite fits the bill, but looking at my emotional state, I think it does. While I've not had the worst childhood, or had the worst situation, emotionally yes, I have, because I've been lonely for the past decade or so of my conscious life. I've noticed so many people drifting farther away from me because they've found the one they want to be with, while I'm still stuck in that gaping hole with no way out. So yes I probably do need a break and I will resume it as soon as I can.

For now, I'm sorry you've all had to put up with my sorry excuse for a post, it's just I haven't been writing in my journal lately, because there aren't enough pages to write these emotions down, and to be honest, typing is faster.

As always please do with this post what you will, and may God Bless. May he make your days brighter than mine, and show you whatever path you are to take.